Broken Pavement


 I chose Broken Pavement, for it symbolizes that the ground we tread isn't always so stable. Sometimes there are cracks and you may trip or fall into a hole... It's symbolizes my views of humanity and their slumps.
But I'm just a Girl trying to figure her shit out, like every other human on this planet. I can see the road ahead, and I anticipate it. I long for it. Though the present remains. So I'm just me, and this, is merely just bits and pieces of who I am and who I was, as well as who I shall become...
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Chipped glass

You know those soul crushing moments.. 

When what you once loved and cherished is not only gone, but seemingly, you have become forgotten to it? Moving on, its not easy sure. When it happens though.. It’s harder than you would think. For everyone involved. 

Breathing seems more effort than it’s worth. You do it in spite of yourself. Tell yourself it will get better. Take it day by day. 

It doesn’t get better.. You just learn to forget. 

In my case, you bury it down so deep, so long. That until those feelings surface. You’re a half full glass of hope and dreams. And when they do begin to surface. Bit by bit. You’re glass begins to chip and crack. You remember everything; feelings, hopes, dreams. 

Until one day you shatter. You pick up each piece with the attempt to rebuild yourself. You lose bits on the way, but that doesn’t matter because you will make yourself whole again. You have to.

And now you sit on that table. With cuts and bruises to your soul, your glass super glued to hold the pieces together. You are mended. 

For now.

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My brother killed himself
on the twenty-eighth Thursday of last year
and I missed four days of work
and my mom wanted to know ‘Why’.
My brother
he was always a fan of beauty
but what he did
was not beautiful at all.

And last week I got the news
that one of my good friends from high school
had overdosed
(again)
except this time
she’d gone too far
and now she was gone.
And I had a hard time falling asleep at night
and her mother
hugged me tight
and thanked me for coming to the service
but I did not
want to be there at all.
This is not
beautiful.

The girl down the street
would’ve turned 21 last year
and I can scarcely imagine
the wild times she would’ve
(should’ve)
had.
But she is buried six feet deep
after falling nearly 300
and she did not leave a note.
This is not
beautiful.

My freshman year of college
and my roommate was beautiful
and how I wanted to be just like her.
But she wore herself down
till she was
almost invisible
and if you blinked
you had to go and find her all over again.
So now her parents are no longer supporting her college tuition
but are paying her hospital bills
watching their daughter crumble.
This is not
beautiful.

So y’all can take your narcissistic
romanticizing
and glamorizing
of self harm and eating disorders and committing suicide
and shove them as far up your ass
as you possibly can.
Starvation is not beautiful.
Killing yourself is not beautiful.
Sadness
is not beautiful.
This note I am writing
is not beautiful.

But you
you are beautiful
and it’s about damn time you start believing it.

— (via runiqu)

I wish I felt this way more often than I do :)

Source: runiqu

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